What Have I Done? II
by Jerome Miller
Summary: Complications arise with the pregnancy. (read 'What Have I Done?' first or it won't make sense.)
1. The Nightmare

"Morning beautiful

"Morning beautiful." Logan cooed as he emerged from his bedroom. The unexpected remark drew a smile from Max who took a sip of her steaming mug of hot chocolate. Wheeling next to her at the kitchen table, he planted a chaste kiss on her lips and went to cook breakfast.

Life was good for Logan. The two months since he had found out Max was pregnant with their child had been nothing short of bliss. Somehow, it seemed like every new day was better than the last. Baby gifts were pouring in from everyone except his family, who had began hating Max even more once they heard about the abortion. After much nagging from Max, he had given in and converted the guestroom into a kids-room, complete with crib and one-way intercom. Even Manticore made him happy by giving up the search for X-5's in Seattle. However, old habits die hard, and Eyes Only called in some favors to insure that all of Max's hospital records were destroyed.

"What will it be today?" He asked with a grin. "Eggs sound good?"

"No thanks." Was the monotone reply.

"Okay… how about pancakes? Better yet, blueberry pancakes."

"That's alright." Logan perked up.

"Cold cereal?" 

"No, I'm really not hungry." Wheeling over to his wife, he laid a hand onto her clammy forehead.

"Are you feeling okay?" A look of concern caused his brow to furrow.

"Not really, I've got a killer headache and my stomach feels like it is full of glass."

"I'll go call doctor Gibbs." He reached for the cordless lying on the table. She waved off his concern.

"No, It's not that big a deal."

"You sure?" 

"Ya. Can I ask you a question?" Logan followed her as she got up and walked to a rain soaked window. "Since it is such a beautiful day, do you want to watch a movie?" Trying his best to sneak up behind her, Logan scooped her into his arms and kissed her.

"I think I could handle an hour and a half snuggling with you on the couch." She crossed her arms, and Logan thought he saw a look of pain flash across her face.

"Who said anything about snuggling?" Was her poor attempt at jesting. 

"Are you sure that you are okay? I think we should make an appointment just to be sure." He picked up the phone.

"Alright, I get to pick the movie then." Quickly raising from her seat, she ungracefully padded around the corner to the television room and rifled through their movies. _Damn my stomach hurts._ "Ohhh." She called loud enough to be heard in the kitchen. "How about Steel Magnolias?" Her sensitive hearing could hear her husband's voice crack as he was talking on the phone. "Or Little Women?"

"Um… could you hold on one second?" He covered the receiver with his hand and began shouting. "That's not funny you know!" She smiled despite the intense pain. _Shit, maybe I'm not okay._ She thought as she lost her balance and collapsed onto the hardwood floors. The pain quickly increased to the point where her vision blurred and blackness crept into her vision. With her remaining strength, she called Logan's name, pain marring her call. She watched as he quickly appeared and began yelling into the phone. Only bits and pieces reached her while the pain continued to increase. She was vaguely aware of being clutched tight to her trembling husband. 

"Max I love you." Was the last thing she heard before the seizing began and blackness claimed her.


	2. The Nightmare Continues

Logan felt alone

Logan felt alone. His vision slowly unfocused into one sterile white blur. It was like a trap door had opened and his entire world had just dropped from under him. The room began to spin and he found it harder to breathe. Realizing that he was about to pass out, he mentally counted backward from ten and took deep breaths while the doctor continued. 

"Ten, nine."

"She has a unique neurological condition that I have never seen before. It led to some… complications in the pregnancy." 

"Eight, seven."

"She is in a coma and it doesn't look good."

"Six, five."

"Your child was too underdeveloped to survive."

"Four, three."

"There is no way to predict the long term effects on her if she pulls through. She might have anything from slight memory loss to crippling brain damage."

"Two, one."

"I'm sorry. And as requested all records of her being here have been erased."

"Thank you." Logan replied with a dead look in his eyes.

"Anything for Eyes Only… would you like to see her? Mind you, she is in pretty rough shape."

"Yes." He fumbled in his pocket for a slip of paper. "Can I use that?" He pointed to the doctor's pen. Giving a fake smile, Dr. Gibbs handed it to him. Quickly Logan jotted down some numbers. "Could you please contact these people?"

"Are they her next of kin?" What last hope Logan had was trampled by the words 'next of kin.'

"Something like that."

"Alright we will get right on it." He motioned to the door, "She is through here."

The trip through the passages of hospital hallways did nothing to sooth him. The sight of an elderly woman who had been badly burnt in a fire greeted him as he crossed the threshold from the waiting room. Everywhere he looked the maimed, the dead, and the terminally ill waited for him. All of this suffering was basking in a false cheerfulness that was almost sickening. 

Even after all of the horrors that he had seen, nothing prepared him for Max. She was lying on a hospital cot with some flimsy covers pulled up to her chest. A blue surgery gown was the only clothing that covered to her neck. In both of her arms were numerous IV's pumping her full of painkillers and bundles of wires snaked from under her sheets into various Life support devices. She was hooked up to a respirator, whose incessant hissing provided depressing music. 

The doctor put a hand on Logan's shoulder and said some insincere apologies before leaving. As Logan looked at his beautiful wife's face, swollen from muscle relaxers, he surprised himself by not crying. He wanted to, but no tears came. Wheeling next to the woman he loved, he gently took her hand in his and kissed her forehead. The gentle hissing and beeping was the only thing that registered to him as he laid his head next to Max on the bed.

A shrill beeping broke Logan's trance. Now the tears did come, as a nurse rushed into the room. He prepared himself for what was about to happen by clutching her hand even tighter. He was so deep in grief that he failed to notice the woman trying to get his attention.

"Sir, Sir. I need to change her IV fluids." As her words sunk in his obvious overreaction caused him to blush. He quickly regained his composure while the fluids were swapped. 

Every minuet was like a year to Logan in that place and he felt like an old man by the time Original Cindy showed up. 

"Christ boo." Was all she could manage to say as she walked over to Logan. All control over her emotions was lost as she embraced him and began crying. "Are you ok?" She managed after her sobs subsided.

"I'm still in shock." Tears clouded his eyes as he continued. "We were having breakfast this morning like always, I had just kissed her Cindy. I had just kissed her and then she started having a seizure… there was nothing I could do. It happened so fast and I felt so helpless. Jesus, she is going to die. I can't live without her Cindy, I can't." He wept uncontrollably while Cindy used all the resolve she had to comfort him. 

"Hey now, she ain't gonna die. She's a fighta' remember? She is gonna get through this bitch just fine." Cindy wasn't sure if her little speech was trying to convince Logan or herself. 

"We lost our child."

"I know, the nurse told me." She let go of him and placed her arm around his shoulders. "You two will have plenty of time to make more when she wakes up aiight?" She managed a weak smile. "Now you two need a little time together. I'm gonna go talk to the doctor, but if you need Original Cindy, just call and she will be back in here quicker than hell." She ran a hand playfully through his hair as she stood to leave. Just as she reached the door, Logan called to her.

"Cindy, thank you." A shudder passed through her as she looked at Max.

"No prob boo." She said as cheerfully as possible before quickly leaving.


	3. Zack

Logan sat bolt upright in the couch he had fallen asleep on

Logan sat bolt upright in the couch he had fallen asleep on. His forehead had beads of sweat running down it and he felt very shaken up. Wiping his brow with the arm of his jacket, he shook his wife awake.

"Max?" A groan was the only response.

"Max, honey, wake up." Waking up slightly, she glanced at the clock.

"Logan, it's one AM, what's wrong?" A tray of untouched food sat next to her bed. He took her hand in his and kissed it lovingly. 

"Thank you." A confused expression crossed her face.

"For what? And you woke me up at one in the morning to say thank you?"

"Well, maybe not thank you as much as I love you." Tears welled in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She cast her eyes downward.

"For what?" 

"Not being able to give you the family you have always wanted. I'm sorry that I can't give you two kids and normal in-laws." Her chin was tilted upward by Logan's hand as he laid a soft kiss on her lips.

"All I need is you. You are my reason for waking up in the morning, hell, you are the reason that I am still alive."

"And you don't care that I can't have your children?" He smiled.

"Not as long as I can still have you." She smiled weakly back. "Now, go back to sleep… the doctor will have a fit if he finds out that you are awake right now." They kissed again.

"Aiight, I will see you in the morning."

"And I will bring you medicine and five star hospital food."

"Goodnight." She sighed and cuddled back into the hospital bed.

"Goodnight." He mirrored while lying back down on the couch. He was surprising himself with his own actions. After finding out that her seizure had caused a miscarriage, he was not depressed, but rather relieved that Max was going to be all right.

It was then that Max's IV fluids needed to be changed again and the shrill beeping rang out, waking Logan from his dream. As sleep left him, he sat up and looked at his wife's broken body. Dr. Gibbs entered and began changing the fluids.

"Sir, I need to tell you something." He picked up a chart off the nightstand.

"What?" 

"If we leave her on a respirator, there is almost no chance that she will wake up because of the medication we have to use. If we take her off life support, then she will have a much better chance of a recovery." He read through the information the nurse had written on the chart. "I'm about to give her more medication… if you would like, I could call a nurse and we could take her off right now."

"What are the chances that she will make it if you unplug her?" 

"I would say that due to her blood's high plurypotent concentration, they are about 50/50." Logan sighed and was lost in thought for a good five minuets.

"Do you know where the woman who was in here earlier went?" His voice was steady and unchanging.

"I think I saw her in the cafeteria, why?"

"She needs to be here when we turn it off."

The respirator's hissing was Logan's safety blanket; he knew that as long as it continued Max would be alive. Now it was gone and he felt exposed and helpless. 

"She has been on her own for 3 hours, 26 minuets, and 48 seconds." He thought to himself. "Cindy has been holding up well enough, but thank God Bling is here now, I think she was about to have a nervous breakdown. Jesus Christ, how did this happen?" Movement by the door caught his eye and drew his wrath.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He turned to face the familiar intruder.

"I came to see my sister." Was his curt reply. Bling could sense the friction between the two and stood to intervene if necessary.

"How did you find out she was here?"

"That's none of your business."

"Like hell it's not." They were ever so slowly nearing each other.

"I can protect her."

"Don't you lay a fucking hand on her." Both men's eyes shot sparks of fury.

"I tried that, and look how she ended up." Zack gestured to Max with one hand. The impact of his words made Logan back down. Seeing an opening to hurt him even more, Zack continued. "If you would have let her leave, none of this would have happened. She would be alive and well riding her motorcycle and having fun." Cindy entered the war of words on Logan's behalf. 

"And she wouldda neva spent time married to the man she loves. Also, I remember her leavin yo ass by herself." Although true, Cindy's words were too few and too late. The damage had been done to Logan who had become abnormally quiet. As the three watched, he silently moved next to his wife and laid his head on her thighs.

"I am going have to ask you to leave." Bling said as he got into Zack's face.

"Can you back that up?" He replied, accepting the unspoken challenge.

"Will you two just shut the fuck up!" Was Cindy's demand. Both the volume and ferocity of her words took the two by surprise, causing them to draw apart. "My boo, is in a coma." Her words took on a quiet yet well punctuated tone. "The last thing she needs is to have you two kill each other. Zack. Bling. Go get something to eat."

"I'm not hungry." Zack stated.

"I wasn't askin'." Giving in, the two walked out of the room in a heated silence. Once they had left, her features softened and she gently strung an arm around Logan's shoulders. "Boo, you okay?" She got no reply. His eyes were shut and small tears were seeping from them. "Don't listen ta him, he's just an ass." There was still no response, so she began slowly rubbing his back. Her hand traveled in lazy circles across the textured shirt, causing it to rumple in a few places. The vibrations that emanated from him, was a telltale sign that he was trying to stop from crying like a baby. She began softly whispering encouraging things into his ear as time went by. His face remained buried in her thigh with his arms folded behind his head, as if he was hiding. Seemingly out of the blue, she got a pained response from the broken man.

"He's right you know."

"No, no, he is all wrong Logan." She continued to hold him and whisper. 

"If it wasn't for me, she would be okay. Now look at her." He raised up to look at Max, and brushed a gentle kiss across her lips. Cindy was desperately trying to fight her own tears while consoling him.

"Look at me." She grasped his hands and looked him in the eyes. "If it wasn't for you, she would still be miserably waiting for life to end. Because of you, she learned what true happiness was. Even if…" she stumbled for the words to use, "she doesn't pull through, it would be okay, because you made her realize why she was here. You showed her that she wasn't just some lab rat, but a woman who was loved dearly."

"But she would still be okay." He turned from her to look at Max again. "Look at what I've done to the woman I love. This is all my fault Cindy. Look, I appreciate what you are trying to do, and that you are using English correctly, but right now, I need to be alone with her for awhile. Then I will talk to Zack and figure out what we are going to do."

"Aiight, I mean, alright. I will leave you two alone. Are you sure that you are going to be okay?"

"I'm sure."


	4. That Damn Space Needle

"So, Zack

"So, Zack." Bling's voice was filled with a friendliness that annoyed the hell out of him. "Tell me, do you like incest… I mean incense? Of course you probably weren't allowed to enjoy your sisters… I mean senses when you were young.

"No." Was his simple answer. It was talking all of his mental strength not to snap this man's neck.

"Now, did they let you fuck your favorite sisters into bed? Oh, sorry, tuck your favorite sisters into bed." It was about that time that Cindy arrived.

"No." Unfazed by her arrival, he continued his taunting. 

"Did you ever give your siblings oral exams? If you did, I bet they were tough. I bet you would stick them with a hard one."

"I would drill the squad once in awhile." Zack said before thinking, causing both Cindy and Bling to stifle laughs. Cindy took over for Bling on the next one. 

"Did you ever give it to them so hard that it made them scream?"

"Are you two finished?"

"Not quite." Bling quickly countered. "I think what I've been trying to say this whole time is that I hate you, I mean, you suck, I mean, go to hell, I mean you make me sick… no that's not what I mean at all." He mock sighed. "They say that actions speak louder than words, right?" In a shockingly out of character motion, Bling gave him the finger and stalked away down a long corridor. In response, Zack set his jaw and continued toward the cafeteria.

"Hold up!" Cindy called as she tried to keep up with the blond haired man.

"What? Was that not enough to satisfy you?"

"Your actions with Logan were way out of line back there. It doesn't matter how you feel about him, his wife is in a coma and he blames himself. The last thing he needs to hear is someone telling him he's right. Where do you get off?"

"When the hell did you start using proper grammar?"

"When did you start knockin' up yo sister?" She fell back into her old speech patterns as concealed emotion masked Zack's eyes.

"The woman I love is in a coma because she came back to one of the men I hate most in the world. So frankly, if you think I am being insensitive… you can go straight to hell." Cindy felt the same pang of sympathy that she did when Zack had confessed his love for Max in the hall.

"Come on, I'll git you some joe."

The sight in Max's hospital room was pitiful. Logan sat at his usual place by her side. Their hands were intertwined and his head rested next to her on the bed. Every time a slight change in the heart monitor's incessant beeping would occur, his whole body would tense and tears would threaten to fall from his eyes. In the twelve hours since Max had been taken off of life support, Logan had almost worked himself up to a nervous breakdown. "I'm still here, beautiful." He had constantly been speaking to her during her stay after recalling that he had read people in a coma can hear people talking to them. He rose in his chair and looked at her beautiful face while softly stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "Do you remember when I promised we would go on a skiing trip? Well…" His voice caught in the back of his throat. "You are so beautiful, do you know that Max?" Motion in the doorway caught his attention.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" Bling asked while leaning on the threshold.

"Not really." Bling entered and straddled a chair, resting his chin in his folded arms.

"She is going to be okay man."

"I know. If something does happen though, I'm not sure I could go on without her. I just love her…" his face turned white and he couldn't finish his sentence. Not wanting to see his friend like this, Bling began to reassure him.

"Dr. Gibbs said that she should pull through."

"Shut up…" Was all Logan could manage. 

"Logan…"

"Please, go away." Silently, his friend complied and shut the door. Once he was sure he was alone, Logan began speaking to his wife as a broken man. "Max, look at what I've done to you." His voice was filled with sorrow. He grasped his wife's hand and began softly rubbing her palm with his thumb. "I never should have tried to keep you for myself, if you were with Zack, none of this would have happened." Fighting to keep the tears welled up, Logan took a deep breath and continued. "I can't lose you again, Max." A tense silence filled the room. "I remember when I first realized that I love you…" He paused while reminiscing. "It happened a couple days after I thought that you had died in my arms. I would spend sleepless nights on top of that damn space needle. I really hated that place… but every time I went up there, it reminded me so much of you. The first night I was up there… all alone… I finally understood just how much you mean to me." He leaned forward and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "I feel like I am up there again. I feel so alone without you. Please Max, come back to me. I need you." He planted a kiss on her lips and dried his eyes before going to find Bling and Cindy.

A/N- I am not getting nearly as many reviews as I hoped for this story. I don't know if that means that it isn't any good or what. If it is good or not, please review so I know. Otherwise I am just going to end it.


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